The Problem With Growing Up

Remember the days when your imagination ran wild and the world was filled with colors and sounds and smells? Remember how great recess was? It was the highlight of your day…and your entire day somehow centered around those 30 glorious minutes when you could let your mind and body run free. Remember how easy it was to create a masterpiece, or pretend to be someone fabulous, or imagine you were in some exotic location? Remember? If you give it a try, it really doesn’t take much to make your way back to the time when you were young and innocent and carefree.

Isn’t it odd that we spend the first half of our lives striving to be older than we really are, and the other half longing for the days of our youth? It seems that somewhere along the way, we wake up and realize that “Life Happens”…and we wonder where the time has gone, how on earth we got to this place, and why we struggle to feel passionate or inspired about anything.

So what really IS the problem with growing up? Why DO we find ourselves stuck in such a life-tapping rut? The bottom-line answer is just two little words, but their impact on our lives can be undeniably life changing: we forget. Sounds overly simple, doesn’t it? But this kind of forgetting isn’t like forgetting the dry cleaning or forgetting to floss or forgetting your mother’s birthday. This strain is much more subtle and sinister…and it infects us slowly over time. Forgetting is a destructive force that can wreck havoc on our truest selves, and inevitably it leaves us drained, exhausted, burned out, shut down…and eventually dead inside.

Obviously, the bigger question here isn’t WHY do we forget…it’s WHAT do we forget?

1. We forget who we are. We let our careers, our children and our responsibilities…the things we DO…define us. Who you ARE is simply not a title or job description. Who you are is the ‘You’ you take to bed at night…and the same one you wake up to in the morning…regardless of who else is in your bed or in your house or in the company you work for. One of my favorite word pictures in Scripture puts it like this: “it’s like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” We have forgotten what we look like. We have forgotten how God sees us. We have forgotten who we are…at the core…with everything else stripped away.
2. We forget what we love. In mentoring creative people, I’m often surprised at how detached they’ve become from their childhood delights…the things that brought them the purest sense of joy. We all, no matter what our upbringing, LOVE certain things. It’s inherent in all of us…and if we give ourselves permission for one short moment…the memories will start to rush in like a flood: A particular flavor of ice cream. A song on the radio. A smell that drifts through the air. A place to escape to. A car to escape in. A time of the year. A part of the country. A game or silly tradition. A best friend’s sense of humor. A secret ambition. A daring dream. You see, what you love is an extremely powerful part of who you are…a huge part of what makes you uniquely YOU. It was intended to bring depth and color and vibrancy to our lives, but instead, most of us have let it be systematically crowded out by the things that everyone else loves. Oooh, did I just say that?! Yep…and I meant it. Plain and simple: we’ve forgotten what we love. We’ve forgotten what brings us joy…what lights us up…what makes us giggle, and wiggle, and dance. We’ve forgotten life’s simplest delights…the things that make us feel like a kid again. And in return, we’ve grown up way too fast.
3. We forget why we’re here. Purpose is a multi-million dollar topic these days, so I’m not going to try to gloss over it in a few short sentences. But ultimately, I think one of the most vital elements of living a life filled with purpose is this: connectivity. Being connected to why we’re here. The truth is, very few of us know for sure. Many of us don’t have a clue. And for those of us who think we’ve got even an inkling of an idea: the final answer will most likely come as a complete surprise! So, whether you’ve figured it all out or not, is not the challenge. The challenge is to connect to the truth that we all were created with a Divine Plan in mind. We all were given a unique voice, intended to make a unique impact on the world around us. With unwavering courage and belief, we need to embrace the realization that without each of us, the world would be forever altered–and a far less beautiful and special place.
4. We forget when it mattered. Forgotten things tend to be shoved in the closet. It’s that “out of sight, out of mind” thing. If we hide them, then we’re not responsible for them. The problem with closet-stuffing is, the stuff doesn’t go away. It just builds up. And if you’ve seen some people’s closets, you’ll know that you can barely get the door to close! Some people have been closet stuffing for years…some for an entire lifetime. Always waiting for a convenient time to drag it out into the light, dust it off, and by some miracle, breathe life back into it. Waiting for permission. Waiting for more capacity. Waiting for a season of lighter responsibilities, less commitments, fewer distractions. Waiting for a day that rarely ever comes. A play-write friend of mine put it this way, “It’s like breathing. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is to write…and when I go to bed at night, I can’t sleep until I’ve put at least a few words down on the page.” For him, it matters. It challenged me to the core…because I’d never had that kind of hunger to pursue what I love. I lacked the fortitude. I lacked the perseverance. I lacked the tenacity. I had de-emphasized it, un-prioritized it…and stripped it of it’s significance…it’s importance. But once I allowed myself the personal indulgence of re-visiting it, I realized it DID matter. It mattered an awful lot! It had mattered all these years. I’d just simply forgotten to LET it matter.
5. We forget where we put it. For many of us, it’s kind of like the dog that loves to bury bones. Oh, he loves bones for sure! The only problem is, that once he’s done digging that hole and filling it back up he forgets WHERE he buried it. And that thing that he loves more than anything in the world is laid to waste under inches of dirt. It could be a dream. It could be an invention. It could be a new expression of creativity…or problem solving…or a sense of life’s destiny. But all too often, and for really honorable reasons, we bury life’s greatest treasures in the back yard…and we forget where we’ve put them. Sometimes it’s under a big ‘ole pile of responsibility. Sometimes it’s hidden in the pit of doubt and unbelief. More times than we’d probably like to admit, it’s lost in the grown up weeds of neglect. The good news is this: what seems like an insurmountable task is really quite simple. Just dig it up. It doesn’t matter what you use to do the digging. Just dig. Don’t stress about the poor condition you’re bound to find it in. Give yourself some much-needed grace. It’s weathered the elements, no doubt, but it’s hearty and it’s endured. It hasn’t gone anywhere. You haven’t lost it forever. All it needs is a little dusting off, some TLC, a little bit of quality time…and it’ll be good as new! Best thing is, so will you!
6. We forget how to play. Crazy isn’t it? We’ve gotten so good at doing the responsible thing, the right thing, the reasonable thing…that we’ve forgotten to do the things that make it all worth it in the end. Take a look at your basic local playground. Simply drive by with a kid in your car and they will be PLEADING for you to stop and let them out to play! Funny thing is, I don’t know a single parent in the world that has to send their kids to laughing lessons…or to pretend practice…or to wonder workshops. It’s already built in! It comes with the package! It’s God designed! And they instinctively recognize an opportunity to exercise their God-given gift when they see one! However, as adults, we’ve systematically desensitized. We’ve gone numb. We’ve let the weighty cares of life cloud our vision. We’ve let the light inside of us burn out, and we’ve done nothing to replace the bulb. This fix is an easy one…and you might just have some fun, too! Give yourself the permission to take some time to play. Play solitaire on your computer. Play a round of putt-putt golf. Play checkers with your kids…or Yahtzee or Clue. Play Hide and Seek. Play the guitar you haven’t touched since college. Play Hop Scotch. Play Marbles or Backgammon or Mystery Date. Or better yet…Play Hookie! Chase something. Ride on something. Swing from something. Laugh at something. You’ll be amazed at just how young it makes you feel! Years of aging will fall off of your face and the huge sandbags of responsibility you’ve been carrying around on your shoulders won’t seem to be nearly as heavy as they’ve always been. The world will be a much less gruesome place to live in, and you might even enjoy your job more…and your wife more…and your kids more…and your life more. If you’re going to be here on earth for a while longer, don’t you think it’s worth enjoying it while you’re here?!?!

You see, none of these things that we’ve forgotten about take incredible amounts of time, energy or resources to fulfill. It’s simply a practice…an intentional practice of remembering. It costs you nothing. Nada. Niente. But the pay off is immeasurable. The portfolio dividends are record-breaking. No bank vault in the world is big enough to hold its benefits. Wall Street couldn’t begin to calculate its’ return on investment ratios.

Remembering who you are, what you love, why you’re here, when it mattered, where you put it and how to play can transform your dull and ordinary life into something wonderful and colorful and grand. It can weather any social issue, governmental transition or economic decline. It can turn the absolutely forgettable into undeniably memorable. It can keep us from growing older…and help us to grow richer, wiser, deeper, affective…and much more fulfilled.

If there is just one thing that I want you to remember from all that you’ve read here today, it would be this: Remember to remember…and don’t you ever forget!